Hi, honey.
Hi, Mom.
You feeling any better?
A little bit.
Guess what.
What?
Grandfatherīs here.
Mom, canīt you tell him that līm sick?
Youīre sick. Thatīs why heīs here.
Heīll pinch my cheek.
l hate that.
Maybe he wonīt.
Howīs the sickie?
līll leave you two pals alone.
l brought you a special present.
-What is it? -Open it up.
-A book? -Thatīs right.
When l was your age, television was called books.
This is a special book.
lt was the book my father used to read to me when l was sick...
and l used to read it to your father.
Today līm going to read it to you.
Does it got any sports in it?
Are you kidding?
Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge...
giants, monsters, chases...
escapes, true love, miracles.
That doesnīt sound too bad.
līll try and stay awake.
Thank you very much. Thatīs very nice of you.
Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.
All right.
``The Princess Bride...
``by S. Morgenstern.
``Chapter One.
``Buttercup was raised on a small farm...
``in the country of Florin.
``Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse...
``and tormenting the farm boy that worked there.
``His name was Westley, but she never called him that.``
lsnīt that a wonderful beginning?
Yeah, itīs really good.
``Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure...
as ordering Westley around.``
Farm boy, polish my horseīs saddle.
l want to see my face shining in it by morning.
As you wish.
``As you wish`` was all he ever said to her.
Farm boy, fill these with water.
Please.
As you wish.
That day she was amazed to discover...
that when he was saying, ``As you wish``...
what he meant was, ``l love you.``
Even more amazing was the day she realized...
she truly loved him back.
Farm boy.
Fetch me that pitcher.
As you wish.
Hold it, hold it.
What is this? Are you trying to trick me?
And whereīs the sports?
ls this a kissing book?
Wait. Just wait.
When does it get good?
Keep your shirt on and let me read.
``Westley had no money for marriage...
``so he packed his few belongings and left the farm...
``to seek his fortune across the sea.``
lt was a very emotional time for Buttercup.
l donīt believe this!
l fear līll never see you again.
Of course you will.
What if something happens to you?
Hear this now--
l will always come for you.
But how can you be sure?
This is true love.
Do you think this happens every day?
Westley didnīt reach his destination.
His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts...
who never left captives alive.
When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered--
Murdered by pirates is good!
She went into her room and shut the door...
and for days she neither slept nor ate.
l will never love again.
Five years later, the main square of Florin City...
was filled as never before to hear the announcement...
of the great Prince Humperdinckīs bride-to-be.
My people...
a month from now...
our country will have its 500th anniversary.
On that sundown, l shall marry a lady...
who was once a commoner like yourselves...
but perhaps you will not find her common now.
Would you like to meet her?
My people, the princess Buttercup!
Buttercupīs emptiness consumed her.
Although the law of the land gave Humperdinck...
the right to choose his bride...
she did not love him.
Despite Humperdinckīs reassurance...
that she would grow to love him...
the only joy she found was in her daily ride.
A word, my lady?
We are but poor, lost circus performers.
ls there a village nearby?
There is nothing nearby, not for miles.
Then there will be no one to hear you scream.
What is that youīre ripping?
ltīs fabric from the uniform of an army officer of Guilder.
Whoīs Guilder?
The country across the sea, the sworn enemy of Florin.
Go!
Once the horse reaches the castle...
the fabric will make the prince suspect...
that the Guilderians have abducted his love.
When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier...
his suspicions will be totally confirmed.
You never said anything about killing anyone.
līve hired you to help me start a war.
ltīs a prestigious line of work...
with a long and glorious tradition.
l just donīt think itīs right, killing an innocent girl.
Am l going mad, or did the word ``think`` escape your lips?
You were not hired for your brains...
you hippopotamic land mass!
l agree with Fezzik.
The sot has spoken!
What happens to her is not truly your concern!
l will kill her!
And remember this, never forget this--
When l found you, you were so slobbering drunk...
you couldnīt buy brandy!
And you-- friendless, brainless...
helpless, hopeless!
Do you want me to send you back to where you were...
unemployed in Greenland?
That Vizzini, he can...fuss.
Fuss, fuss...
l think he like to scream... at us.
Probably he means no...harm.
Heīs really very short on... charm.
You have a great gift for rhyme.
Yes, yes, some of the time.
Enough of that!
Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
lf there are, weīll all be dead.
No more rhymes, now. l mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?
Weīll reach the cliffs by dawn.
Why are you doing that?
Making sure nobodyīs following us.
That would be inconceivable.
Despite what you think...
you will be caught, and when you are...
the prince will see you all hanged.
Of all the necks on this boat, Highness...
the one you should be worrying about is your own.
Stop doing that!
We can all relax. ltīs almost over.
You are sure nobodyīs following us?
As l told you, it would be absolutely, totally...
and in all other ways inconceivable!
No one in Guilder knows what weīve done...
and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast.
Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
l happened to look behind us, and something is there.
What?
Probably some local fisherman...
out for a pleasure cruise at night...
through eel-infested waters.
What?
Go in! Get after her!
l donīt swim.
l only dog-paddle.
Veer left!
Left!
Do you know what that sound is, Highness?
Those are the shrieking eels.
lf you donīt believe me, just wait.
They always grow louder...
when theyīre about to feed on human flesh.
lf you swim back now...
l promise no harm will come to you.
l doubt youīll get such an offer from the eels.
She doesnīt get eaten by the eels at this time.
What?
The eel doesnīt get her.
līm explaining to you because you look nervous.
l wasnīt nervous.
Maybe l was a little bit concerned...
but thatīs not the same thing.
Because we can stop now if you want.
No. You could read a little bit more, if you want.
``Do you know what that sound is, Highness?
``Those are the shrieking eels.``
Pass that, Grandpa. You read it already.
My goodness, l did.
līm sorry. Beg your pardon.
All right, all right. Letīs see.
She was in the water, the eel was coming after her...
she was frightened...
the eel started to charge her, and then...
Put her down. Just put her down!
l think heīs getting closer.
Heīs no concern of ours.
Sail on!
l suppose you think youīre brave, donīt you?
Only compared to some.
Look! Heīs right on top of us!
l wonder if heīs using the same wind we are using.
Whoever he is, heīs too late. See?
The Cliffs of lnsanity!
Hurry up!
Move the thing!
And that other thing!
Move it!
Weīre safe.
Only Fezzik is strong enough to go up our way.
Heīll have to sail for hours till he finds a harbor.
Heīs climbing the rope, and heīs gaining on us!
lnconceivable!
Faster!
l thought l was going faster.
You were supposed to be this colossus...
you were this great legendary thing...
and yet he gains!
līm carrying three people, and he got only himself.
l do not accept excuses. l have to find a new giant.
Donīt say that, Vizzini, please.
Did l make it clear that your job is at stake?
Heīs got very good arms.
He didnīt fall?
lnconceivable!
You keep using that word.
l do not think it means what you think it means.
My God, heīs climbing.
Whoever he is, heīs obviously seen us with the princess...
and must therefore die.
You carry her.
Weīll head straight for the Guilder frontier.
Catch up when heīs dead.
lf he falls, fine. lf not, the sword.
līm going to duel him left-handed.
You know what a hurry weīre in.
ltīs the only way l can be satisfied.
lf l use my right, tsk! Over too quickly.
Have it your way!
You be careful.
People in masks cannot be trusted.
līm waiting!
Hello there!
Slow going?
l donīt mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks.
līd appreciate it if you wouldnīt distract me.
-Sorry. -Thank you.
l do not suppose you could speed things up?
lf youīre in such a hurry...
you could lower a rope or a tree branch...
or find something useful to do.
l could do that. l got some rope up here...
but l do not think you would accept my help...
since l am only waiting around to kill you.
That does put a damper on our relationship.
But l promise l wonīt kill you until you reach the top.
Thatīs very comforting, but līm afraid youīll just have to wait.
l hate waiting.
l could give you my word as a Spaniard.
No good.
līve known too many Spaniards.
Any way youīll trust me?
Nothing comes to mind.
l swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya...
you will reach the top alive.
Throw me the rope.
Thank you.
Wait. Weīll wait until youīre ready.
Again, thank you.
l do not mean to pry, but you donīt by any chance...
happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Do you always begin conversations this way?
My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man.
He was a great swordmaker, my father.
When the six-fingered man appeared...
and request a special sword...
my father took the job.
He slaved a year before he was done.
līve never seen its equal.
The six-fingered man returned and demanded it...
but at 1/10 his promised price.
My father refused.
Without a word...
the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart.
l loved my father.
So naturally, l challenged his murderer to a duel.
l failed.
The six-fingered man leave me alive...
but he gave me this.
How old were you?
l was eleven years old.
When l was strong enough...
l dedicated my life to the study of fencing.
So the next time we meet, l will not fail.
l will go up to the six-fingered man and say...
``Hello.
``My name is lnigo Montoya.
``You killed my father.
``Prepare to die.``
Youīve done nothing but study swordplay?
More pursuit than study lately.
You see, l cannot find him.
ltīs been twenty years now. līm starting to lose confidence.
l just work for Vizzini to pay the bills.
Thereīs not a lot of money in revenge.
l certainly hope you find him someday.
Youīre ready, then?
Whether l am or not, youīve been more than fair.
You seem a decent fellow. l hate to kill you.
You seem a decent fellow. l hate to die.
Begin.
You are using Bonettiīs defense against me?
l thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.
Naturally. You must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro.
Naturally, but l find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro.
Donīt you?
Unless the enemy has studied Agrippa.
Which l have.
You are wonderful!
Thank you. līve worked hard to become so.
l admit it. You are better than l am.
Then why are you smiling?
Because l know something you donīt know.
What is that?
l am not left-handed.
Youīre amazing.
l ought to be, after twenty years.
Thereīs something l ought to tell you.
Tell me.
līm not left-handed, either.
Who are you?
No one of consequence.
l must know.
Get used to disappointment.
Kill me quickly.
l would sooner destroy a stained-glass window...
as an artist like yourself.
However, since l canīt have you following me, either.
Please understand, l hold you in the highest respect.
lnconceivable!
Give her to me! Catch up with us quickly!
What do l do?
Finish him, finish him--your way!
Good, my way. Thank you, Vizzini.
Which wayīs my way?
Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder.
ln a few minutes...
the man in black will come running around the bend.
The minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock!
My way is not very sportsmanlike.
l did that on purpose.
l didnīt have to miss.
l believe you.
So what happens now?
We face each other as God intended.
Sportsmanlike.
No tricks, no weapons. Skill against skill alone.
Youīll put down your rock, and līll put down my sword...
and weīll try and kill each other like civilized people?
l could kill you now.
Frankly, l think the odds...
are slightly in your favor at hand-fighting.
ltīs not my fault being the biggest and the strongest.
l donīt even exercise.
Are you just fiddling around with me, or what?
l want you to feel you are doing well.
l hate for people to die embarrassed.
Youīre quick!
Good thing, too!
Why are you wearing a mask?
Were you burned with acid or something like that?
No. ltīs just theyīre terribly comfortable.
l think everyone will be wearing them in the future.
l just figured why you give me so much trouble.
Why is that, do you think?
l havenīt fought just one person for so long.
līve been specializing in groups.
Battling gangs for local charities...
that kind of thing.
Why should that make such a--Oof! Difference?
Well, you see...
you use different moves...
when youīre fighting half a dozen people...
than when you only...
have to be worried about one.
l do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake.
But in the meantime, rest well and dream of large women.
There was...
a mighty duel.
lt ranged all over.
They were both masters.
Who won? How did it end?
The loser ran off alone...
while the winner...followed those footprints toward Guilder.
Shall we track them both?
The loser is nothing.
Only the princess matters.
Clearly, this was all planned by warriors of Guilder.
We must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.
Could this be a trap?
l always think everything could be a trap.
That is why līm still alive.
So, it is down to you, and it is down to me.
lf you wish her dead...
by all means, keep moving forward.
Let me explain.
Thereīs nothing to explain.
Youīre trying to kidnap what līve rightfully stolen.
Perhaps...an arrangement can be reached.
There will be no arrangement, and youīre killing her.
lf there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
līm afraid so.
l canīt compete with you physically...
and youīre no match for my brains.
Youīre that smart?
Let me put it this way--
have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
-Yes. -Morons.
Really?
ln that case, l challenge you to a battle of wits.
For the princess?
To the death?
l accept.
Good, then pour the wine.
lnhale this, but do not touch.
l smell nothing.
What you do not smell is called iocane powder.
lt is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid...
and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.
All right. Where is the poison?
The battle of wits has begun.
lt ends when you decide, and we both drink...
and find out who is right...
and who is dead.
But itīs so simple.
All l have to do is divine from what l know of you--
are you the sort of man...
who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemyīs?
A clever man would put the poison...
into his own goblet...
because he would know that only a great fool...
would reach for what he was given.
l am not a great fool...
so l can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
But you must have known l was not a great fool.
You would have counted on it...
so l can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Youīve made your decision, then?
Not remotely...
because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows...
and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals...
and criminals are used to having people not trust them...
as you are not trusted by me...
so l can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Wait till l get going!
-Where was l? -Australia.
Yes, Australia. You must have suspected...
l would have known the powderīs origin...
so l can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Youīre just stalling now.
Youīd like to think that, wouldnīt you?
Youīve beaten my giant...
which means youīre exceptionally strong...
so you could have put the poison in your own goblet...
trusting on your strength to save you...
so l can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
But youīve also bested my Spaniard...
which means you must have studied...
and in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal...
so you would have put the poison...
as far from yourself as possible...
so l can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Youīre trying to trick me into giving away something.
lt wonīt work.
lt has worked. Youīve given everything away.
-l know where the poison is. -Then make your choice.
l will, and l choose-- What in the world can that be?
What? Where?
l donīt see anything.
l could have sworn l saw something. No matter.
Whatīs so funny?
līll tell you in a minute.
First, letīs drink...
me from my glass and you from yours.
You guessed wrong.
You only think l guessed wrong. Thatīs whatīs so funny!
l switched glasses when your back was turned!
You fool!
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders.
The most famous is ``Never get involved in a land war in Asia.``
But only slightly less well known is this--
``Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!``
Who are you?
l am no one to be trifled with.
That is all you ever need know.
And to think, all that time...
it was your cup that was poisoned.
They were both poisoned.
l spent the last few years...
building up an immunity to iocane powder.
Someone has beaten the giant.
There will be great suffering in Guilder if she dies.
Catch your breath.
lf youīll release me...
whatever you ask for ransom, youīll get it. l promise you.
And what is that worth-- the promise of a woman?
Youīre very funny, Highness.
l was giving you a chance.
lt does not matter where you take me...
there is no greater hunter than Prince Humperdinck.
He can track a falcon on a cloudy day.
He can find you.
You think your dearest love will save you?
l never said he was my dearest love.
And, yes, he will save me. That l know.
You admit to me you do not love your fiancé.
He knows l do not love him.
Are not capable of love is what you mean.
l have loved more deeply...
than a killer like yourself could ever dream.
That was a warning, Highness.
The next time, my hand flies on its own.
Where l come from, there are penalties when a woman lies.
locane. līd bet my life on it...
and there are the princessī footprints.
She is alive, or was an hour ago.
lf she is otherwise when l find her...
l shall be very put out.
-Rest, Highness. -l know who you are.
Your cruelty reveals everything.
Youīre the Dread Pirate Roberts. Admit it.
With pride. What can l do for you?
You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.
Hardly complimentary, Your Highness.
Why loose your venom on me?
You killed my love.
ltīs possible.
l kill a lot of people.
Who was this love of yours?
Another prince like this one-- ugly, rich, and scabby?
A farm boy, poor.
Poor and perfect with eyes like the sea after a storm.
On the high seas, your ship attacked.
And the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners.
l canīt afford to make exceptions.
Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft...
people begin to disobey you...
and then itīs nothing but work, work, work all the time.
You mock my pain.
Life is pain, Highness.
Anyone who says differently is selling something.
l remember this farm boy of yours, l think.
This would be, what, five years ago?
Does it bother you to hear?
Nothing you can say will upset me.
He died well.
That should please you.
No bribe attempts or blubbering.
He simply said, ``Please...
``please, l need to live.``
lt was the please that caught my memory.
l asked him what was so important.
``True love,`` he replied.
Then he spoke of a girl...
of surpassing beauty and faithfulness.
l can only assume he meant you.
You should bless me for destroying him...
before he found out what you really are.
And what am l?
Faithfulness he talked of, madam...
your enduring faithfulness.
Tell me truly. When you found out he was gone...
did you get engaged to your prince that same hour...
or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?
You mocked me once. Never do it again!
l died that day!
You can die, too, for all l care!
As...you...wish!
My sweet Westley.
What have l done?
Theyīve disappeared.
He mustīve seen us closing in...
which might account for his panicking into error.
Unless līm wrong, and l am never wrong...
they are headed dead into the Fire Swamp.
Can you move at all?
Move? Youīre alive.
lf you want, l can fly.
l told you l would always come for you.
Why didnīt you wait for me?
Well...
you were dead.
Death cannot stop true love.
All it can do is delay it for a while.
l will never doubt again.
There will never be a need.
Oh, no. No, please.
What is it? Whatīs the matter?
Theyīre kissing again.
Do we have to hear the kissing part?
Someday you may not mind so much.
Skip on to the Fire Swamp. That sounded good.
Youīre sick. līll humor you.
So now, where were we here?
Westley and Buttercup raced along the ravine floor.